all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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