He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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