I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
