She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
