my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
