Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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