You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
