I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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