New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
