I will die if light touches me.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
