He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
