Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
