dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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