I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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