he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
