i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
