This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
