I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Still dying that you shit outside
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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