Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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