so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
