Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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