Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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