There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
