South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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