This is not my ceiling
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
