it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
