Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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