just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
