broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
