I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
