Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
