i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
