I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Is it because I queefed?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
