My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It's official drugs can't kill me
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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