glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You ate ashes out of my bong
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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