....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
