If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
