I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
