apparently the secret to your success is patron
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
