8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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