After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
