I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
