just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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