If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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