is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
