just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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