I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
