I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
