Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
