ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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