ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
