I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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