a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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