I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
even my farts smell like vagina
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
