Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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