What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
