Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
