I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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