Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
