we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
