i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
