I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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