Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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