guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
