so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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