all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
