Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
