I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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