Your face is a jimmy john
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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